well I can't set my house on fire every night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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