Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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