Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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