the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was like giving head to a cactus.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
