he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
