did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
