I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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