I'm so fucking centered right now
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
