Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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