Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
