I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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