do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I wear drunk well.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
