we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
