so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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