i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
