At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
