Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
