i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
