is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
