How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
