my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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