Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
