I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
