She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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