just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
