the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
