She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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