never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
