If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
