my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
