so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
