i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
this boner is exhausting
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
