sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
