wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
