Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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