Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
