Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
