Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
