before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
