Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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