sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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