On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
