Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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