A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
