i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
