Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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