Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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