So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
