it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
