Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
