good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
