Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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