Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
