I cut my penus on the lid.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
