We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
