great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
